What finally worked for me was just asking straight up "what exactly do you mean by that?" in a calm voice. People backpedal so fast when they know theyd get caught. I also started bringing my husband along to those appointments, not because I needed backup but because people are way less likely to pull that crap when theres another adult standing there. Its exhausting that we even have to plan for this kind of thing, but some people just need to know you wont be pushed around.