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Customer brought in a bike with a stick shift, I wish I was joking

Last Tuesday this guy rolls into my shop in Boise with an old Schwinn and asks me to fix the 'gearbox'. Turns out he'd zip-tied a literal wooden broomstick to the derailleur to shift it by hand. Replaced the cable and re-indexed it for $35 and he still asked why it didn't shift like a car. Has anyone else had a barn find that was rigged worse than this?
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kellyjones
People really do the wildest things to a bike.
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